theorized | you won't find him drinkin' at the tables

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russell clank

you won't find him drinkin' at the tables

The thing about Natalia is, she's capable of just about anything. This is a fact that Chase keeps at the forefront of his mind on most days, letting himself sink into his work, letting himself focus without needing to overly worry about what she's doing for her job. If she needs to contact him, she will. If he needs to reach her, he can. It's a type of dynamic that he's never quite had before, forced to flourish on his own while still enjoying mutual support and respect.

It might be the healthiest relationship he's ever had.

When a day passes without a single word from her, Chase doesn't mind. When two pass, he doesn't think too much of it, sending a text just to keep himself on her radar, just to let her know that he cares.

When five days have passed, somehow the arbitrary line finds itself underneath Chase's feet, and he just knows: she's gone.

He takes the last two for himself, trying to sort his thoughts on the matter. She's not the first person to vanish from Darrow, and Chase doesn't think it's so simple as a crime keeping her out of reach. No, there's a way out of this, there's a way out of limbo, uncertainty, and the cracked ground of faith. He just hasn't found it yet.

Maybe that's okay, but it doesn't stop him from feeling the ache in his chest.

Sliding his hands into his pockets as he walks down the street, Chase can only think of two places to head, and one of them feels off-limits as of yet. Leaning lightly against the frame, Chase knocks sharply on Russell's door, hoping that the other man's home. He probably should have called ahead of time, but... well.

Things are bound to slip his mind more now.

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Russell's home, though not expecting anyone, and he's surprised to hear someone knocking. Pausing to look through the peephole before he opens it, he cracks a grin when he sees Chase standing on the other side, then throws the deadbolt and opens the door wide for him.

"Hey," he says. Not that many people just drop by, but it's actually kind of nice that it's happening now. It's not a habit people get into when they live in big cities, he thinks, but in small towns, dropping by was pretty common. David and Judy did it all the time, one or the other, or sometimes together, dropping things off or picking things up or just coming over to have a cup of coffee. He hasn't realized that he misses it until this moment, until Chase showed up at his door. "Come on in, man."

"Hey," Chase replies, even though the word comes out as almost a sigh as his shoulders sag in relief. Back home, he'd grown accustomed to everyone having their schedules planned out days in advance. The only person he could casually spend time around without planning ahead was Cameron while they were married. It's nice to think that Darrow might be a little frenzied most of the time.

"I'm sorry I didn't call ahead of time, I was just in the area... well, no," says Chase, rolling his eyes lightly at himself. "I needed to get out of my apartment, then I ended up heading in this direction and figured I'd stop by."

"Hey, man, no explanation necessary," Russell says, stepping back to let Chase come inside. John comes running at the sound of the open door, meowing around Russell's feet before she heads to the newcomer, her tail swishing, nose twitching. Sometimes she tries to escape into the hall, but Russell gets the door closed before she can decide outside is more interesting than Chase's shoes.

"You want a beer or somethin'?" he asks. "I'm not doin' much, was just lookin' over some paperwork, but it's not important." It can be done anytime, really, which is the good thing about his job. He's far from the only cop who puts off paperwork for weeks at a time.

There's been too much that's happened over the course of Chase's life for him to fall apart at the seams over Natalia's disappearance, but putting on a smile where he feels none of that happiness is also difficult. Belatedly, he feels guilty for bringing that type of melancholy into Russell's apartment, even though he's doing his best to suppress it, not make anything into a bigger deal than it is. It's not Russell's mess to deal with.

"A beer would be great," Chase says with a resolute nod. "But don't let me drink more than one. So, that whole stereotype about cops being piled with paperwork carries some truth to it, then?"

"Yeah, ninety percent of this job is paperwork. Reports and files and forms," Russell says, going to his fridge to get out two bottles of beer. He turns back a moment later, looking at Chase as he opens one of the bottles and offers it to him. Russell considers them friends, but they're not so close that he can read Chase as easily as he always could David. Something's wrong, he thinks, but he isn't sure what and he doesn't know if Chase wants him to pry.

Still, he can't just leave it alone. Maybe all Chase is looking for is a beer and some company, but just in case he wants to talk, Russell has to bring it up. "You okay, man?" he asks, opening his own beer and tipping the bottle back to take a drink.

Chase thinks of his own job, glad for the fact that he's generally been useful enough to the hospital that he can fall back on other people to help him with his paperwork, or at least to show him the ropes. There's even less of it waiting for him in Darrow than there was back in Princeton Plainsboro. All of his accomplishments seem to have made it over into the records here, but there are a few notable absences. No one knows of the negligence that killed a patient shortly after he learned of his father's death.

He's pulled away from that train of thought when Russell gives him a closer look, and Chase briefly rubs at his forehead. "Actually, you know, maybe you'd be able to help me at least try to figure this out," he says with a small nod. "Natalia disappeared. I can't find any record or trace of her anywhere. Should I suspect foul play?"

"She's gone?" Russell asks, startled. For a second, he's not even able to concentrate on Chase's question, running through his mind to find the last time he and Natalia spoke, if she said anything about going away, anything at all that might indicate this isn't a permanent disappearance. Because Russell knows how it works. He hasn't experienced it himself, but he's been told and he has no reason not to trust what he's been told.

"Uh... foul play, I mean... I don't know, man," he says, trying to shake himself out of it. "Have you been by her place?" Maybe something bad has happened, which means he needs to investigate. He owes her that much, at least.

"Unless she's deliberately avoiding me for something I've done... she's probably gone," Chase replies with a slight nod, catching the surprise in Russell's expression and trying to think of ways to be more careful about approaching the topic. It's probably a good thing that Russell knows now, but Chase doesn't want to assume that most people can handle disappearances with as much ease as he can. And probably even more than that, he doesn't want for people to think that he's somehow unfeeling for being this calm.

"I did stop by her place," he nods, tone quiet. "The first time, no one came to the door. The second time, another person greeted me, a Darrow native, and I couldn't ask about when she had moved in without arousing a lot of suspicion."

"I could go," Russell says, even though he doesn't think it'll do much good. "Ask in an official capacity. Then she'll have to answer and it won't seem weird." Or maybe it will still seem weird, but people tend to answer when he asks questions so long as he's got his badge on him and even if it doesn't tell him anything, he'll be glad to know how long it's been and what the new woman living in Natalia's apartment might know.

"But you want my honest opinion? She's probably... she's probably gone." There's crime here, but there aren't a lot of disappearances. Bodies are generally found and the people who are gone tend to be the kind of gone he's heard about from the people who have lived on the island.

His brows furrow briefly. "I don't want to be an imposition," Chase admits with a soft exhale. There's something about the statement that aches, because it's cutting back from the full extent and effort that he wants to direct towards Natalia. A lot of the time, Chase holds back to the practical because it seems like it's what she would have wanted. (He wishes he could ask if that's what she would have wanted.) But where his personal sentiment is concerned, he could continue to throw his all into searching for answers as long as the city allows.

If anything, holding back takes a greater effort of sorts.

"It would make me feel a bit better, but I'll defer to your judgment," Chase says quietly. "I've basically accepted that she's disappeared."

"No, man, I'll do it," Russell says quickly, because he wouldn't be a good cop if he just let something like this go without even looking into it at all. That's his job and she's his friend, too, even if he's beginning to think he could have been a much better friend to her. He hadn't even noticed she was gone.

"I'll do it on my own time, though," he adds. "The department's full of generally good guys, but whenever the idea of someone appearing or disappearing comes up, things get... tense. It's weird." He avoids it as much as possible.

Chase frowns at the mention of things growing tense. It's not exactly like what happens at the hospital, as far as he's aware. So many questions get shunted aside, never answered, never addressed. Then again, he thinks, he's never made much of an attempt to get people to change their ways. He doesn't raise any value judgments. Doesn't mention how unnerved he sometimes is by how little anyone seems to care in Darrow.

Maybe that's all the difference.

"Yeah, there's no rush," Chase says, shaking his head and waving lightly. He can continue calling in on his own time, checking to see if her number is back in use, carefully keeping his apartment open in case she wants to step inside. But Chase knows what his gut tells him, and he thinks he knows what this place is, and it doesn't surprise him that Natalia would be one of the first to slip away. "What kind of weird are we talking about, though? Not weird enough for you to stop working there, at least."

"Nah, just... they're never sure what to make of it," he says. The first few weeks, he'd really tried to talk about it, tried to see which cops had a similar story and which thought they'd been in Darrow all along, but it hadn't been well received. He's not an outsider, exactly, but he's not one of them and even though they trust him, defer to his judgment in a lot of ways, they're not friends. He's not going to find someone else like David in Darrow.

"It's like they know something, but they're not sure what they know," he explains. "Does that make sense?"

"Sounds a little bit like you're still describing the human condition," Chase remarks with a slight grin. But he understands what Russell's describing, not only with respect to the Darrow population, but also in many of the circles he lived in all throughout his life. None of them know much in the grand scale of things. The world's too big to discover in the short span of time that humans have. But the only way to step forward is by fixing on something people do know, and drawing from instinct.

"But yeah, I think I understand," Chase nods more seriously, eyes narrowing a fraction. "I've noticed that in the hospital staff as well. It made working with them very difficult in the beginning. My former boss only gets by in this city because he mostly works on cadavers."

"So you understand why I don't wanna get other cops involved in this," he says. "I'll go today, but I'll just... keep it to myself. Keep it off duty." The others in the department won't understand why he's bothering to investigate, although he can talk to Jane about it if he needs to.

And even if Natalia is just gone, he wants to be sure. He can't just forget about it, he needs to look into it and see what he can find out.

Chase nods tersely, lips curved in a tight smile. He appreciates Russell's efforts in every way, but he's yet to arrive at that moment when talking about Natalia and her disappearance becomes easy. Right now, it's just a fact, to be swallowed down as best as he's able.

On the bright side, Russell plans on taking the last possible step to look for Natalia — beyond that, there's nothing more either of them can do. It makes it easier to change the topic.

"Maybe this is ill-timed, but..." Chase tilts his bottle back for a brief swallow. "How are things outside of work for you these days?"

"Same as they ever are around here," Russell says, allowing himself a bit of a smile even though he's distracted now. He's trying to remember the last time he saw her, what he might have said. She was always so good to him, the very least he can do is make a good solid attempt at finding her.

He shrugs a little and shakes himself out of it. "I see Helen once a week, usually." He sees her more often than that, given that they're in the same building. "She's great. What about you?" It's easier to ask than talk about his own love life. Helen is great, but he still wonders about his own ability to be anything close to that.

"Once a week; that's not bad," Chase points out, his smile widening at the thought of Russell going on weekly dates. For some reason, his mind feels like the limiting factor in that equation might be Russell himself, perhaps too nervous to ask for more dates than that. "Maybe you should bump it up to every other day. Unless your schedules keep you too busy. One of the reasons why dating someone at work was... for a while, pretty convenient."

Chase smiles, shaking his head as he takes another swig of beer. "I haven't gone on a date with anyone since Natalia disappeared. And I'm really in no rush to find one. Dating's nice. But I'm pretty sure that I'm more of a workaholic than anything else, and it takes a certain type of person to be able to put up with that."

It's stupid -- he never asked, after all, always too sure she was too much better than him -- but Russell feels a little swell of jealousy at the idea of Chase and Natalia going out. He recognizes that it's not fair, that it's his own fault, and he pushes it down. Right now, what matters most is that they're both going to miss her if she really is gone, and they're friends. That's more important.

"It's hard for some people just to put up with a work schedule like yours or mine," he says. "Even if you weren't a workaholic." He gets it and he's never held it against anyone. It can be hard to have a relationship when the person you want to have one with is never available.

"Too unpredictable and liable to change without warning? Couldn't imagine why anyone would be averse to that," Chase jokes lightly, raising his bottle in slight salute before downing more of his beer, enjoying the chill down his throat and a subtler heat in his chest.

"Do you ever think that you'd want to set that aside, though? Like... say you find someone you want to settle down with, maybe have some kids, buy a house. Do you think you'd want to juggle all of that with your job?" Chase raises a brow. "Or are kids not at all on your radar to begin with?"

"Oh, Jesus, man," Russell says, shaking his head with a laugh. It's not all that funny, he just doesn't know how else to react, not when he has absolutely no idea whether or not he wants kids. It's always been the kind of thing he thought he'd do eventually, but Ogden Marsh hadn't exactly been brimming with eligible young women and not many people ever moved into the town. Now that he's in Darrow, it's different, but he's still not sure.

"It's been a long time since I was in a relationship," he settles on saying. "Since college. I'm not sure I remember how to be a boyfriend, never mind someone's husband or father."

Chase stops in the middle of a swallow, both brows raising as he turns to look at Russell. Maybe he shouldn't be terribly surprised; plenty of people go for years without being in a relationship, but there was always something about Russell that made Chase think that he'd try. (Not that he's spent all that much time wondering about the dating habits of his friends.)

"Really?" he asks, blinking. "Man, I thought that you'd be that kind of guy all the girls are after. Man in uniform, stand-up guy. I assumed you just wanted to play the field."

Russell gives a snort of laughter and shakes his head, trying to imagine all the women in Ogden Marsh wanting him. David had been lucky, with Judy coming into town to take over the doctor's practice, but that didn't happen often. "Back home, everyone wanted to get out of town. All the girls around my age, anyway. They don't want some small town cop who's never gonna get outta Ogden Marsh."

He pauses to take a sip of his beer and shrugs. "I guess it's different here. I just gotta figure it out."

Chase pauses more at that description, and it clicks a little at last. He can't imagine staying in a small town, even though he'd spent some of his childhood nestled away in sparsely populated regions while his father sought out labs that afforded him more freedom to do his research. Now, he wants things to be fast-paced, he wants things to be larger than life, wants to slip in relatively unnoticed and be allowed to make his own decisions in a region where they'll still be large in impact.

A dense, busy city tends to be the best for that.

"Definitely different," agrees Chase at last, then reaching out to clap a hand on Russell's shoulder. "Tell you what. Let's book a back room at a restaurant sometime. Invite your friends, I'll invite some people from work, we can have a grown-up party. Mingle. Talk about life like the stuffy adults we are."

If he's honest, Russell isn't so sure he likes the sound of that. It reminds him a little of the party he went to, the one Molly practically had to dress him for, and he remembers how uncomfortable he was at that place. It's not that he's incapable of being an adult -- he's responsible and he's been taking care of himself for a long time -- but he's not sure he's that kind of adult. Still, he'd do just about anything for a friend and if Chase thinks it'll help, maybe it will.

"Sure," he says. "But if I'm inviting my friends, it'll pretty much just be you, me, Delta and Molly." He has other friends, of course, but those are the closest, the people he'd trust to make him feel comfortable.

"I didn't realize you were close to Molly, too. Stearns, right?" Chase asks with a broad grin, pleased at his network being more closely tied than he previously thought. "Well, that'll make it easy, at least there'll be one person there we can both lean on. I might invite a couple of people from work, but it'll be a low-key thing. Beer, drinks, somewhere small with a clearance for dance and music, that sort of thing."

There's a chance that Russell's a little more closed off than ideal for that kind of a party, but if there's one thing Chase believes strongly in, it's in pulling people out of their shells.

Gradually, anyway.

Russell gives a little laugh at that, because he knows he leans on Molly an awful lot already. Although his friendship with her is very different than the one he had with David, she's certainly as close to him as David was and that's fairly rare.

"Yeah, that's her. And it's a good thing she'll be invited, since she'll probably be the one dressin' me," he admits with a grin.
Anytime he has to look presentable, anytime he has to wear more than jeans and a t-shirt, he turns to her. "But, okay. You got yourself a deal."

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you won't find him drinkin' at the tables

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