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He needs a break from the worry, more than anything else. It's been weeks since Chase first started losing sleep at every turn, unable to get a full night's rest and constantly woken and assaulted by nightmares. Weeks since he started feeling occasionally short of breath and dizzy as he stood. But his fever's broken, and enough prods from House have helped him to rationalize his way out of the fear.
Mostly, at least. And there are meds to lower his anxiety elsewhere.
Tonight, he's not letting himself think of any of that. It feels like staying in a crowd might be, for once, the best tactic. It's when he's left alone that Chase starts seeing movement in shadows. Around others, the conversations ground him. The people keep him steady. He can't think of very many who would be better for it than Mindy, someone who's too new to cut him slack, and whose sense of humor keeps his spirits high. She's intelligent, she's beautiful, and Chase takes time and enjoyment out of finding the right kind of flowers to give her for the evening — amaryllis, appropriate for the season.
He finds a bouquet of blooms with colors inverted from the usual pattern. Darker, deep red on the edges of a soft, pale pink, the brighter color spreading across the petals like a star burst.
By the time he knocks on her door, he's exactly one minute late, not late enough to be extremely noticeable, but just enough to build anticipation. (At least, he'd like to think so.)
"Miss Lahiri," he greets with a fond smile, once the door opens. "I believe I'm to be your escort for the evening."
Mostly, at least. And there are meds to lower his anxiety elsewhere.
Tonight, he's not letting himself think of any of that. It feels like staying in a crowd might be, for once, the best tactic. It's when he's left alone that Chase starts seeing movement in shadows. Around others, the conversations ground him. The people keep him steady. He can't think of very many who would be better for it than Mindy, someone who's too new to cut him slack, and whose sense of humor keeps his spirits high. She's intelligent, she's beautiful, and Chase takes time and enjoyment out of finding the right kind of flowers to give her for the evening — amaryllis, appropriate for the season.
He finds a bouquet of blooms with colors inverted from the usual pattern. Darker, deep red on the edges of a soft, pale pink, the brighter color spreading across the petals like a star burst.
By the time he knocks on her door, he's exactly one minute late, not late enough to be extremely noticeable, but just enough to build anticipation. (At least, he'd like to think so.)
"Miss Lahiri," he greets with a fond smile, once the door opens. "I believe I'm to be your escort for the evening."
rolling dice and staying out 'til three.
May. 3rd, 2013 10:48 pmThere was once a period of time, shortly before Chase married Allison, where he'd let himself go a little where looks were concerned. Styling his hair, shaving every single day, these were things he did when it was necessary to keep up appearances, when he didn't have a reputation to fall back on, and when decisions could be affected by the way he dressed or held himself. When most of his time was spent at an operating table, these things mattered less. When he was married, with a woman whom he believed loved him, and in most ways beyond the superficial, he didn't need to hold himself to an artificially high standard.
He regressed shortly after their separation, kept himself clean and proper, something more routine than before. All the way up to Darrow, and the unfamiliar space he needed to learn to navigate from the first step.
It's been nearly a year since he first arrived, and he almost got to the point of relaxing. If he went a day without applying mousse in his hair, it didn't matter. If he went a couple of days without shaving, it didn't matter. The people he surrounded himself with, the job that he'd sunk his teeth into, all of it was comfortable in a way that he never quite fully accepted, but accepted enough.
With one disappearance, all of that faded, and now Chase feels like he's walking a tightrope again. It's the reason why he returns to his apartment more often these days, the reason why he hasn't called most people or offered to hang out.
It's the reason why he finds himself standing in front of a church, considering more than ever the option of stepping inside.
He regressed shortly after their separation, kept himself clean and proper, something more routine than before. All the way up to Darrow, and the unfamiliar space he needed to learn to navigate from the first step.
It's been nearly a year since he first arrived, and he almost got to the point of relaxing. If he went a day without applying mousse in his hair, it didn't matter. If he went a couple of days without shaving, it didn't matter. The people he surrounded himself with, the job that he'd sunk his teeth into, all of it was comfortable in a way that he never quite fully accepted, but accepted enough.
With one disappearance, all of that faded, and now Chase feels like he's walking a tightrope again. It's the reason why he returns to his apartment more often these days, the reason why he hasn't called most people or offered to hang out.
It's the reason why he finds himself standing in front of a church, considering more than ever the option of stepping inside.
you won't find him drinkin' at the tables
May. 3rd, 2013 10:08 pmThe thing about Natalia is, she's capable of just about anything. This is a fact that Chase keeps at the forefront of his mind on most days, letting himself sink into his work, letting himself focus without needing to overly worry about what she's doing for her job. If she needs to contact him, she will. If he needs to reach her, he can. It's a type of dynamic that he's never quite had before, forced to flourish on his own while still enjoying mutual support and respect.
It might be the healthiest relationship he's ever had.
When a day passes without a single word from her, Chase doesn't mind. When two pass, he doesn't think too much of it, sending a text just to keep himself on her radar, just to let her know that he cares.
When five days have passed, somehow the arbitrary line finds itself underneath Chase's feet, and he just knows: she's gone.
He takes the last two for himself, trying to sort his thoughts on the matter. She's not the first person to vanish from Darrow, and Chase doesn't think it's so simple as a crime keeping her out of reach. No, there's a way out of this, there's a way out of limbo, uncertainty, and the cracked ground of faith. He just hasn't found it yet.
Maybe that's okay, but it doesn't stop him from feeling the ache in his chest.
Sliding his hands into his pockets as he walks down the street, Chase can only think of two places to head, and one of them feels off-limits as of yet. Leaning lightly against the frame, Chase knocks sharply on Russell's door, hoping that the other man's home. He probably should have called ahead of time, but... well.
Things are bound to slip his mind more now.
It might be the healthiest relationship he's ever had.
When a day passes without a single word from her, Chase doesn't mind. When two pass, he doesn't think too much of it, sending a text just to keep himself on her radar, just to let her know that he cares.
When five days have passed, somehow the arbitrary line finds itself underneath Chase's feet, and he just knows: she's gone.
He takes the last two for himself, trying to sort his thoughts on the matter. She's not the first person to vanish from Darrow, and Chase doesn't think it's so simple as a crime keeping her out of reach. No, there's a way out of this, there's a way out of limbo, uncertainty, and the cracked ground of faith. He just hasn't found it yet.
Maybe that's okay, but it doesn't stop him from feeling the ache in his chest.
Sliding his hands into his pockets as he walks down the street, Chase can only think of two places to head, and one of them feels off-limits as of yet. Leaning lightly against the frame, Chase knocks sharply on Russell's door, hoping that the other man's home. He probably should have called ahead of time, but... well.
Things are bound to slip his mind more now.
and you're vulnerable in your head.
Feb. 22nd, 2013 01:38 pmIn a world where there are always too many people vying and struggling for purchase, Robert Chase is not a man afraid to exercise connections and seek advice. More than books, more than feeling through the tactile world with one's hands, Chase has always found the most to gain in learning from other people, enjoying the ability to distill their insight and the sum of their actions, their impasses, their successes and failures. There are a million roads that Chase will never be able to walk, but the snapshots of knowledge others have to offer certainly help to color his own.
Which is what finds him at Spock's door this evening, coming off of a long shift and one in which Chase was forced to revisit and contemplate his place as a physician in a city often far beyond his comprehension.
He's tired, but has enough sense and foresight to bring along a small basket of strawberries as a present, and to send an email beforehand to ensure that Spock had time in his day. Once he arrives, exactly one minute after their agreed upon time (not intentional, but poor luck with crosswalks), Chase raps on the door and hangs his head slightly while he waits.
Which is what finds him at Spock's door this evening, coming off of a long shift and one in which Chase was forced to revisit and contemplate his place as a physician in a city often far beyond his comprehension.
He's tired, but has enough sense and foresight to bring along a small basket of strawberries as a present, and to send an email beforehand to ensure that Spock had time in his day. Once he arrives, exactly one minute after their agreed upon time (not intentional, but poor luck with crosswalks), Chase raps on the door and hangs his head slightly while he waits.
feel as if i'm wasting.
Feb. 9th, 2013 05:29 pmEven without heading diagnostic medicine, House's presence still has a notable effect on Darrow General. He should have known that House wouldn't stay unemployed for long. His yearn for the puzzle was always too great, pushing him to further and further lengths, even those that weren't necessarily good for his own well-being. When word got out that someone was causing a fuss over the new forensic pathologist at the hospital, Chase didn't even need to ask.
The name: Gregory House.
Unearthing mistake after mistake made by the doctors at Darrow General has resulted in everything from angry threats of lawsuits to panic over one's own capabilities as a doctor. The only person who's been unaffected on a personal level is Chase.
Now they're forwarding him cases that have no right to be in diagnostics.
It makes the job a hell of a lot less interesting, but he's tied to it more than ever these days, with the blizzard bringing in a higher number of people than usual. Only when he's starting to push three full days at the hospital does Chase meaningfully step out at last, just to the small café by the entrance of the hospital.
"Coffee, please?" he asks the server before slumping into his seat, staring down at the menu options.
The name: Gregory House.
Unearthing mistake after mistake made by the doctors at Darrow General has resulted in everything from angry threats of lawsuits to panic over one's own capabilities as a doctor. The only person who's been unaffected on a personal level is Chase.
Now they're forwarding him cases that have no right to be in diagnostics.
It makes the job a hell of a lot less interesting, but he's tied to it more than ever these days, with the blizzard bringing in a higher number of people than usual. Only when he's starting to push three full days at the hospital does Chase meaningfully step out at last, just to the small café by the entrance of the hospital.
"Coffee, please?" he asks the server before slumping into his seat, staring down at the menu options.
mundane entanglements.
Feb. 8th, 2013 08:45 pmIf there's one way in which Chase knows he differs from House, it's the enjoyment he gets from spending time in the clinic. No sound diagnostician would pick a day in exam rooms over an interesting case, but the mere preference doesn't preclude the calm Chase feels whenever he's down here, offering people with treatment that's tried and true, with next to no potential for grievous error. Darrow's been calm in the days since House's arrival, so he doesn't mind the escape that the case files offer him as he picks up the next in the stack, walking to the waiting room.
He could wait for a nursing assistant to send the patient to the room, but the hospital feels a tad understaffed today, and Chase doesn't mind the extra few minutes.
"Is there a Ms. Emma Swan here?" he asks, peering down at the file, then up again to the line of seated patients.
One face catches his eye. He feels his face drain slightly of color.
But she wouldn't be there in a waiting room. She wouldn't give up the opportunity to work. She wouldn't... Chase doesn't have the right to speak for her, but he just knows that she wouldn't.
He could wait for a nursing assistant to send the patient to the room, but the hospital feels a tad understaffed today, and Chase doesn't mind the extra few minutes.
"Is there a Ms. Emma Swan here?" he asks, peering down at the file, then up again to the line of seated patients.
One face catches his eye. He feels his face drain slightly of color.
But she wouldn't be there in a waiting room. She wouldn't give up the opportunity to work. She wouldn't... Chase doesn't have the right to speak for her, but he just knows that she wouldn't.
birds are leaving over autumn's ending
Oct. 22nd, 2012 11:14 amThey've been trickling into the hospital in increasing numbers recently — individuals going at length about how the city whisked them away to another place, one crumbling and decrepit, unfit for any length of stay. Chase has spent more than enough time as a diagnostician to know that most cases try to make more of themselves than they actually are, and he no longer hesitates before letting other doctors know when a case is nothing more than a cold presented with flourish by a patient.
But here, he's also acutely aware of how the rules have changed, how being a doctor in Darrow requires a willingness to explore what Chase feels like he's learned long ago, and he knows as well as anyone else: there's something more behind what these people are claiming.
What remains to be done about it is far less clear.
There's only so long that he can sit on the matter before Chase realizes that the hospital itself holds little answers, so he ventures out five minutes earlier than usual that day, leather jacket quickly slung over his shoulders as he ducks into the first diner with an active happy hour.
Spotting a familiar face seated at the bar, Chase ducks through the milling crowd before nudging at a leg of Spike's stool with his toe.
"Mister Spiegel," he nods in acknowledgment, not quite sitting — he might be fishing for an interesting conversation, but it's not quite worth the cost of being a bother.
It's quite possible that some part of Chase is still searching too much for approval.
But here, he's also acutely aware of how the rules have changed, how being a doctor in Darrow requires a willingness to explore what Chase feels like he's learned long ago, and he knows as well as anyone else: there's something more behind what these people are claiming.
What remains to be done about it is far less clear.
There's only so long that he can sit on the matter before Chase realizes that the hospital itself holds little answers, so he ventures out five minutes earlier than usual that day, leather jacket quickly slung over his shoulders as he ducks into the first diner with an active happy hour.
Spotting a familiar face seated at the bar, Chase ducks through the milling crowd before nudging at a leg of Spike's stool with his toe.
"Mister Spiegel," he nods in acknowledgment, not quite sitting — he might be fishing for an interesting conversation, but it's not quite worth the cost of being a bother.
It's quite possible that some part of Chase is still searching too much for approval.
plasticities
Jul. 17th, 2012 06:34 pmIt all goes a little too smoothly.
Not two months after first waking up in the city of Darrow, Chase finds himself in a position where no one ought to be after a mere several weeks: singlehandedly being given the reins to a pilot project, an attempt on the part of Darrow General to form a diagnostic committee to serve as consult to any strange and unusual cases that the hospital is given. A committee of one may seem like no impressive feat, and certainly being a party of one makes the whole diagnostic business a bit more tiresome to say the least, but there's a certain amount of faith that Chase knows he's been given, and already the number of interns scrambling for a spot is fairly high.
Granted, most of the interns are the drifters who find themselves unable to secure a cushier position on surgery, but Chase figures that it's still something.
The greater hurdle is actually getting all of the doctors to listen. For weeks, Chase has been poking his nose in all the places he probably shouldn't be, offering second opinions where they aren't wanted or demanding a second test even when the first seems highly conclusive. For all the nagging he's done, the effect is actually quite positive, more than a few incorrect diagnoses being put back on the right path thanks to Chase's heavy hand. But the doctors don't seem much to care. And Chase can't blame them — turning to him for a second opinion vastly slows the process and makes patients begin to doubt their doctors and teams of nurses. Probably not the best effect in the world.
Still, he could do without the heavy sense of ennui he gets as he roams the halls that day, actually heading to the clinic to see some patients and pass the time.
Not two months after first waking up in the city of Darrow, Chase finds himself in a position where no one ought to be after a mere several weeks: singlehandedly being given the reins to a pilot project, an attempt on the part of Darrow General to form a diagnostic committee to serve as consult to any strange and unusual cases that the hospital is given. A committee of one may seem like no impressive feat, and certainly being a party of one makes the whole diagnostic business a bit more tiresome to say the least, but there's a certain amount of faith that Chase knows he's been given, and already the number of interns scrambling for a spot is fairly high.
Granted, most of the interns are the drifters who find themselves unable to secure a cushier position on surgery, but Chase figures that it's still something.
The greater hurdle is actually getting all of the doctors to listen. For weeks, Chase has been poking his nose in all the places he probably shouldn't be, offering second opinions where they aren't wanted or demanding a second test even when the first seems highly conclusive. For all the nagging he's done, the effect is actually quite positive, more than a few incorrect diagnoses being put back on the right path thanks to Chase's heavy hand. But the doctors don't seem much to care. And Chase can't blame them — turning to him for a second opinion vastly slows the process and makes patients begin to doubt their doctors and teams of nurses. Probably not the best effect in the world.
Still, he could do without the heavy sense of ennui he gets as he roams the halls that day, actually heading to the clinic to see some patients and pass the time.
like the wheel
Jul. 17th, 2012 05:10 pmWithout doubt, one of the most frightening things about Darrow is how easily one can get their hands on another individual's personal information. Chase never expected Spike Spiegel to make a return to the hospital for a check-up, but it isn't until a couple weeks after the man was discharged that Chase even begins to make an attempt to find the erstwhile patient, idly searching through the rather limited online resources within the city and fully expecting for Spiegel to end up as one of a great many individuals who simply passed unnoticed through the netting. Apparently, however, the regular drops of cash that make it into bank accounts every other week come with their own drawback — privacy in the city is negligible at best.
Mentally, Chase makes a note not to go through the exercise of trying to seek out patients again. Too much obligation that he isn't yet prepared to bear, particularly considering the many doubts he still holds about his personal sanity altogether.
That all being said, as Chase lifts a hand to rap smartly on the door to Spike's apartment, he has to wonder if the man's staying there at all. Something about him strikes Chase as a potential drifter.
Mentally, Chase makes a note not to go through the exercise of trying to seek out patients again. Too much obligation that he isn't yet prepared to bear, particularly considering the many doubts he still holds about his personal sanity altogether.
That all being said, as Chase lifts a hand to rap smartly on the door to Spike's apartment, he has to wonder if the man's staying there at all. Something about him strikes Chase as a potential drifter.